May16

Dear Single Sisters!

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This is a candid letter to my single sisters who want to please the Lord. From my heart to yours! May your heart find peace and contentment in these words. Fanchion K.

Dear Sister,

We as women move from our hearts and emotions. This is what makes us women. It is what makes the perfume of our femininity flow off of us and what attracts men. Without it we are mean, bitter and plain evil. Even though the fragrance of our femininity lies in our tender hearts and multiple emotions, it can also be our greatest enemy. Every attack against a woman begins with the enemy’s darts thrown at our hearts. Whether it is rejection from our parents, a man who thinks it’s ok to play with our hearts, or never good enough for other women. Today, I would like to help you take control of your emotions and rest in a content heart.

There is an innate need in every woman to love and nurture, however; we all long to be held, protected, and provided for as well. Sometimes this yearning and need is so great that you will settle and let down your standards just to pretend for a while with a guy you know has no intention of doing what is right about you. Yep we call them players but you knew when you walked into that relationship it was a game. Do not toil with your heart and emotions. You have to choose to love yourself enough to say no and to find happiness without a mate. And if your heart must chase after love please chase Jesus Christ. Pour all your love and affection on him and he will reciprocate in ways you never knew possible. He will hold you, protect you, and provide for you. Most men think its crazy for women to love Jesus like this but it’s because they do not work from the same place we do. You see we work from our hearts and where does Jesus live? Where do we feel him? There is no greater feeling than being in his presence. IF you can tap into him I promise you will find a place of contentment and peace that others won’t understand. You will not mope around unhappy, jealous of your friends who have found great men, and you wont be bitter. You will live with a smile on your face and a joy in your heart that even your married friends would envy. If you can find this place of contentment and peace it will help you to block the bozo and wait on the Boaz. No you don’t have to settle!!! God will show you to a man of God who will respect you, love you, and a man you can confidently allow to lead you. God will provide a man who will cherish you as the weaker vessel. But you have to become the type of woman this type of man would love. He’s not going to come while you are playing games with bozos. He is not going to come if you never learn to love yourself. He is not going to come if you can’t manage you! You see there is nothing more attractive than a woman who is confident, knows who she is and whose she is. Now let me give you a few steps to becoming a happy, content, peaceful, confident single-woman.

 

  1. Live for a greater purpose than a marital status. There is so much more to Life.

We are so consumed with being married and having someone until we never stop to consider that maybe God has a greater purpose for our lives. Some singles won’t get married until they find their purpose for living. Maybe you will realize that you have aimed too low. The call to marriage is the call to serve and help. If anything it will take from you more than it can give so you must already have a reservoir to serve from and that only comes through Jesus Christ.

I have come to peace with my wish for marriage. If it does not happen it is because I have greater purpose.

 

2.Pour your love and affection on Jesus Christ and submit to His will for your life.

Because we are creatures who live from the heart we must find ourselves in God’s presence everyday. When I went through my divorce, night times were the loneliest. Until one night when I entered that empty bedroom the Lord spoke to me. He said to spend the night with him like I would have done my husband. SO even to this day I look forward to the end of the day to wrap myself in the arms of Christ! He never rejects an opportunity to love His women.

3. Do not allow your heart to awaken until time

One valuable lesson God and my brothers taught me years ago is to never allow your spirit or heart to change by a man until he plainly states his intentions. Men are fickle. So I treat all people the same. This is difficult sometimes because being nice to guys sometimes give them the wrong impression. I’m still learning how to navigate the male and female platonic relationship. You see I grew up with four brothers so I can talk and hang out with men very comfortably. Everybody doesn’t understand that. As for the men I find myself attracted to I give those feelings to God and keep moving. It is not our job to awaken Adam, God will in His time. We must trust His will for our lives.

4. Trust God to fulfill your life.

We think we know what makes us happy but we don’t. It is God who has made us and not we our selves. If you can stop going before God telling him what we think we need and begin enjoying what he has supplied you will see him bring more into your life. Love is everywhere and maybe God is waiting on you to find love and happiness with what you have before he adds more. A lady’s heart full of love and happiness will draw another heart that is full of love and happiness. Be determined that your happiness is not centered around who is apart of your life and who is not. Fight with all your might to find happiness as you are and your life will change forever.

5. Find some great girlfriends and accountability partners

Because I am single and I do like men I keep some great girlfriends around that know all my business who will check me every time. They check me on who I am dating, why I am dating and to make sure I am honoring God in my dating. They check me when I am acting thirsty or desperate. They keep me focused and centered. My friends will tell me to get my head out the clouds and trust God. Every single girl needs a friend that will check her, pray with her and keep her accountable.

 

Leave a comment! Be Blessed!

May8

Restoring Male and Female Relationships

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Restoring Male and Female Relationships

     It was mother’s day so why was my pastor, a woman, talking about men.  She rebuked women for not respecting the men in our lives as the head.  She told us God made us to help them to become all God called them to be and that we should help men whether single or married.  The disdain that rose from my heart as she spoke  was unprecedented and unexpected.  A venomous hate rose from the crevices of my heart and stared me in my face.  When did I start hating men?  Yes, as she spoke and challenged the woman to get back in our place and serve the men in our lives I was force to face my heart. No man had ever been there for me.  In my mind men were beneath me and I could do life without them.  Men were undependable, weak, and selfish. Subconsciously, I was bitter and hated them.  No I didn’t walk around spewing hate at men, until that day I didn’t even realize the hate that had festered in my heart.  Men had hurt me to the core!  Every man that I had ever loved or needed to be love by had done something to cause a deep wound in my life.  My dad had left me.  My brothers had left me.  My husband had left me. Growing up I suffered humiliation, emotional abuse, and rejection from men. I had seen women suffer cruelty at the hands of men.  In my mind men were cruel and I could most certainly do life without them.  All I needed was myself, and God.   I didn’t trust them.

At the end of the sermon, the pastor had the women to stand.  She told the men to lay hands on us and pray to for us.  The young man closest to me had been a cheating husband and bad father.  As his hand reach for my shoulder I only wanted to knock it away and dare him to touch me.  But fearing God, instead I fell to my knees as the hand of God reach into my heart and pulled out my root of bitterness!  One by one the brothers of the church begin to lay hands on me to pray.  Each prayer forced me to forgive specific men and men in general. This day my life changed.

The following week I was speaking to the deacon in the church (over the phone).  He slightly raised his voice at me and I snapped back at him. And right then the Spirit of the Lord rebuked me and said he is a man and you must respect him.  My response to the spirit was, “he aint my husband why I gotta do that.”  But with tears rolling down my eyes I apologized to him and have never raised my voice to a man ever again.

Needless to say God and I had to have a discussion about this later.  These are things that God showed me in that discussion and I hope this helps my sisters.

1. Men are human beings not knights in shining armor.  They fail and have imperfections just like us women.  We as women place so much responsibility on men to fix everything and us.  God has called us to help them shoulder the load.  We are to be arms of support that keep them strong! It is our prayers and support that helps them to fulfill the vision and dreams in their life. Women can achieve many things without a man however I have yet to find a great man who has not been supported by a woman.  A man should be free to remove his superman cape and be Clark Kent.  Women must realize that every superman has kryptonite.  We are not to make them feel bad about that but to work with them to help them not succumb to his individual kryptonite.

2. There is an inner need in a woman’s heart that God did not equip a man to fill.  A man can really love you and never bring you a rose.  Some of them just do not have the romance gene.  And if you are trying to get from them something they have not been equipped to give, you will drain the life out of them.  Only God has the ability to fill a woman’s heart with what it needs.  When we allow God to fill us up we can then see how to correctly to help the men in our lives.  After all he did not give us a help meet only the men.  Why should God give you one of His men if you are not ready to help him?  Men need our help, respect, and support and you cannot be a needy woman and give him these things.

3. You need to have a general respect and supportive attitude towards all men.  We were created for them and if that makes you cringe then you need to find yourself in the presence of God to be healed. We were created to help them and we will not be at peace until we do.  He doesn’t have to be your mate for you to offer an encouraging word.  Yes some men might take it the wrong way but you know your intentions keep it moving.  Now I am not telling you to be desperate and start fixing dinner or cleaning his house.  Those are wife duties! Men need us to believe in them so they can rise up.  Whether its your brother, son, husband, co worker they need to know that women believe, respect, and support them.  They are not the enemy!  We are on the same team

I pastor men and sometimes as a pastor I have to deal with situations but you will never hear a brother anywhere say that I raise my voice or speak inappropriately   to them.  I understand I am a woman, the weaker vessel and I understand that I am here to help all men.

Sister I pray that you would go before the Lord and allow him to remove the root of bitterness from your heart as he has done mine!  Lets restore our place and men will rise to their place!

If you are a man reading this I want you to know that this sister believes in you and supports you!

Apr30

Extract The Fruit!

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Extract The Fruit

There is no greater delight in the life of a little girl than hearing her dad come home from work. Most nights my dad would come home way past my bedtime but as soon as the key turned in the lock, like clockwork, my eyes open. “Daddy’s home” and I felt a little safer. I waited anxiously on him to pass my door and slip into his room. Occasionally, he would stop and turn on the lights to watch me sleep but I was never sleep merely pretending. I would smile and pray that tonight there would be peace. Their voices, those of my parents, would start calm like a whisper and escalate slowly. Then the tears would start to run down my face and I would cover my ears and dream of a place far away. In the morning my daddy was truly a blur. He would hit the floor running from the bedroom to the lone bathroom a family of eight shared. He was rushing to dress and leave for work as if his life was at stake. If I tried to say hello or even good morning he gave me a shove out-of-the-way so as a result I was content just to watch this recurring event every morning. My childhood is still so vivid and clear to me. It was both the worst and the best of times of my life. It became the very foundation of my life. It seemed, at first, to most human eyes I was growing up in a perfect home. And even when my dad left there were those who stilled wished they were my mother’s child and protruded a venomous jealousy towards me. I however, hated my childhood and parents most of my life even sometimes as an adult. But what I have grown to realize is my life and all its imperfections were actually perfect. They were exactly what I needed.

You see, had not I come from a broken home, divorced parents, crazy family, experienced rejection and been ostracized on levels unimaginable, I would not have known Jesus. If God had not used these experiences to break, humble and to crush me, I would have been on a completely different path. One that no doubt would have had me pursuing some imagined dream that brought me no fulfillment. Instead I find myself on a road that I would have never chosen for myself yet I have found peace, happiness, prosperity, and joy.

What is the point of me sharing all of this? I want you to embrace your life now and where you have been. God has purposely given you these experiences to serve as compasses to your purpose. A path to destiny! And if you find the reason you were born you will find everything you long for wrapped up inside. You will find love, joy, peace, health, and prosperity. Perhaps what you have ran from is the very thing you need to face and embrace to begin to extract the fruit out of your pain. Your experiences are the soil that holds the seeds of your tears. Mixed together they will produce a fruit tree that will feed you as long as you live. Allow me to leave you with this:

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Apr19

Resist Temptation and Don’t Settle!

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Resist Temptation and never settle

My fingers wrap around the coils of the telephone cord as I tried to find comfort sitting on my mother’s shoes. I hid in her closet praying she would be so engulf in fellowship with her friends in the living room on the first level of our Georgian home that she would not need to use the phone. He was my first love and he was worth whatever repercussions I would receive if caught. I was at the door of puberty and he was already in the house. Even as a young girl, what mesmerized me about him more than anything was his intelligence. He was smart, an honor roll student and in Sunday School, he knew the word of God better than anyone. He begin to tell me of his experiences as a freshman in High School. He spoke about the temptation to do drugs and sleep around but assured me that was not the life he wanted. He would keep his head on straight and do what was right. Fast forward 10 years and I found myself corresponding with my first love from a jail cell. What had happen to this strong intelligent young man I once dreamed of marrying! What happen to him is what happens to many people, he fell to temptation and settle for the life around him instead of his dream.

There are the dreams we are born with and the dreams that are birth through tragedy and triumph. Whether you are teenager or a adult there is something in your present situation that you dream of changing and maybe even are working on changing. The challenge in changing is that it is easier said than the done. The challenge in dreaming is that you can have all the know how and not know how to work what you know. It is a downright fight to birth out what is inside of you. You begin excited ready to accomplish and subdue any challenge that comes your way and you knock them down without a problem; you can see the finish line and nothing is going to stop you. At first you see the results, you see yourself begin to inch closer but then it seems like the resistance begins to thicken and you began asking yourself is it worth the fight? Is it worth the effort? Suddenly you began to tell yourself that old boyfriend wasn’t so bad because its taking to long for the right one to come along. Or maybe you start looking around the house and think I can’t fix it up because you’re trying to save. Or perhaps the business you were going to open is too big of a risk so you decided to settle for what is secure. Or maybe you are in a battle to get healthy and you have reach a plateau. You thought the journey to manifest your dream would be easier but now you are contemplating settling for what you have or you are tempted to fall back into the comfort of what’s familiar. I have come as a spokesperson from God to say do not settle or fall into temptation.

Resist Temptation
Temptation has everything to do with what’s within you. Temptation offers you a temporary fix for a insatiable thirst or hunger within yourself. I call temptation Satan’s chocolate laced with poison. This is how temptation works. At first taste it is satisfying. It is like an oasis in the desert. But temptation is Satan’s counterfeit because as the chocolate settles the poison begins to release and you began to implode. You need to bring your hunger and thirst to the foot of the cross because if not it will potentially lead you to a place that will cancel out every dream and assignment given to you by God. How do we resist temptation? The word of God says resist the devil and he will flee but it also says submit to God. After you resist, you must bring your hunger and thirst to The Lord. After Jesus was tempted in the wilderness, the word says that angels came and ministered unto Him. As you submit to God, He will send ministering angels to minster to you and you will arise ready to continue on your journey to completing the goals and dreams for your life.

Never settle
To settle means to stay in a permanent place. If that permanent place is not what you have seen in your heart or dreamed in your spirit, DO NOT SETTLE! Maybe God has shown you what type of mate you need, ministry He has for you, house, job the list goes on. Long before the promise is manifested the temptation to settle will knock at your door a thousand times. You have to know what God has said and even in the face of the impossible you must hold on to the promise. Sarah was tired of waiting on her womb to open and to discover that she was pregnant, so to remove herself from the torment of the promise she offer Abraham a settling place with Hagar and their son Ishmael. However he was not the promise and the only thing Sarah did was create a bigger mess. What do we do while we are waiting on the promise. We walk in obedience and continue to prepare. Just when it seemed hopeless, Sarah being now way pass childbearing age gave birth to the promise. You too will give birth to the promise! I know it may eat at your heart but get ready because it is coming. DO NOT SETTLE!

Mar28

Jesus, A Touchable God

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I share my testimony candidly in hopes of giving someone else hope! I pray that through my experiences you will find the courage you need to continue on your journey.

Jesus, A Touchable God

     I am a church girl! Growing up we went to church ALL THE TIME!  I sat in Sunday school Sunday after Sunday listening to all that Jesus had done for us. Listening to how He desires to give us life and save us from our sins.  At an early age I was intrigued with the bible verse that said “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”  At my grandmother’s church, I stood in front of a couple hundred people and belted out these words lingering on the word love. God loved me!  My little heart was tickled and pleased and right then I decided that I would serve this God who loved me.  Years later at the age 25 I fell into a bout of depression so low I thought I would lose my mind.  I had lived for this God who I thought loved me, yet it seemed everything I touch turned to dust.  I had failed at college, my marriage had ended in divorce, my dad (whom relationship with me was challenging) had died of cancer, and as much as I had tried to have a child I had not gotten pregnant; that’s just part of the story.  My question, why would the one who loved me bring me to this place?  I had lived for Him trying to do what was right.  It didn’t feel like love at all.

      It was at this point, when death seemed a better escaped then life, that my broken heart touched Jesus. The bible says, “For we have not a high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.” I had served God for many years but it was at this point where my heart had finally cried out to the savior for helped.  And at my darkest hour not only did I touch Jesus but He also touched me. I invited Jesus Christ into my heart into my life and in the words of Carrie Underwood I gave Him the wheel!  For the first time I realized I didn’t serve a God who I couldn’t reach. I didn’t serve a God who didn’t care about my pain.

After reading nearly half of this blog, you may be asking yourself what does it mean to touch God?  Well I would love to tell you that there is a universal way to do so but I cant. However what I can do is offer you a quick glimpse inside the moments where I touched Him and He touched me. A problem I had was that I never stop smiling or performing for those around me. You see I can be a very private person (I know what you are thinking but I can be) so no one knew the torment I was in. The pain was seething every part of me. At home I would sit on the side of my bed staring at the wall no strength to move, fighting off thoughts of death and fighting off thoughts of ways to escape.  I had to grit my teeth to hold on to my faith and believe that God had something better for me.  You see I lived in a fantasy world by day but at night I was forced to deal with my reality. Forced to face the pain and remove the mask. This constant up and down spiral created an opportunity for what I call a dark hole.  I wouldn’t wish that hole on my greatest enemy. I had lost the ability to live in reality.  Either I was living my life on high or on a deep dark abyss. Perhaps I was bipolar but I was much to spiritual to admit it or to even ask for help. If you need help please go get it. There is nothing wrong with seeking help. Too many saints go through this same stage and think they are a weak Christian or betraying Christ because they seek help.  Unfortunately I did not have this understanding at the time.  I remember one time I was out of the hole and not living on the high.  I fell on my knees and began to pour out my heart to the Lord.  I remember asking the Lord to not allow me to go back to that hole ever again!  Though I felt good, I feared that hole. The Spirit spoke these words to me.  He said don’t be afraid, If you go back just take me with you! Let me explain what this hole felt like. I had overwhelmingly negative and oppressive thoughts, and no matter what I did, they keep pressing and I could not for the life of me, rid myself of them. I contemplated suicide, or just leaving, disappearing and telling no one where I was going. I thought about running off with some strange man in the sunset… However that was trap to literally have me destroy myself.  So how did I escape?  I would love to give you a day or a time but I don’t have one.  Instead of coming in my room at the end of the day and staring at the wall I would create a space to spend with God.  I gathered worship songs, bibles, journals, and tea.  I would sit there and cry and talk to God and read His word for hours.  God’s presence would embrace, hold and heal me.  In my broken hour I found Jesus beyond the pulpit. This blog cannot hold the details of the level of intimacy and freedom I experienced during those dark nights with the Father.  I cant tell you when my roller coaster stop but I can tell you it was because I hung out with the Great Counselor.  No only did God begin to untangle me he began to restore the things in my life.

This Easter season I would like to challenge you to look past the Easter bunnies, pretty dresses, jelly beans and allow Jesus into your heart.  He is concerned about what has broken your heart or disturb your world.  He is more than the God the preacher talks about on Sunday morning.  He is more than a mystical being.  He is a God that we can touch and he will touch you where you need healing, deliverance or any point of brokenness in your heart.  Remember He is a God we can touch!

If you have been blessed by this blog please comment below, if you have a payer request or would like to speak with me directly email me at fanchionk@gmail.com.

Connect with me: twitter: @farock  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/In.pursuit.of.Him

Mar20

Filters!

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What are your filters? Whether we recognize it or not everyone lives, behaves, and works, through filters. A filter is something that we run our ideas, decisions, and actions through before acting on them. Whether you do it consciously or subconsciously you do have filters.

Now let me say I think having filters are great and essential for each person. Unfortunately working from wrong filters can create prisons and can also be rather dangerous. But having the correct filters will help you gain favor and assist you in fulfilling your purpose and living the life you always wanted to live.

Why is it crucial to identify filters? Because understanding how they are effecting your decisions and behaviors could be the key to why you cant get ahead in life. Here are some examples:

How you see people: Have you been rejected, hurt, abandoned, or mistreated by someone you loved or need acceptance from. If you do not allow yourself to heal and move on you will filter every action from others through the eyes of your trauma. For example, if you grew up in a home where you were constantly criticized and never lifted up, anytime someone comes along to give you constructive criticism or critic you, you will filter things through the eyes of that person who used criticism to pull you down and therefore you refuse to listen and grow. Consequently, you stagnate your growth and potential because to become better we must be critiqued. An honest critique helps our growth more than praise. But because of what you’ve experienced on a negative level it can be hard to comprehend that critiques are not always bad. This bad experience has now become your filter.

Want to be married: It is quite possible that you are single because of an improper filter. Most men or women dream of marrying a confident, stable, trustworthy individual who will be their ride or die and be willing to work at this thing called marriage until the day they die. Unfortunately, if you do not live with the right filters you will constantly find yourself in the arms of a Bozo or Delilah. Because somewhere you have no confidence in yourself, your beauty, or what you have to bring to the table. You find yourself sequestering the real you and trying to become what is acceptable to the person you are currently dating. You are filtering yourself through insecurity. Yet maintaining the desire for someone who is confident. Eventually your insecurity begins show and seep out and it ruins the relationship, which wasn’t a “REAL” relationship anyway because you never brought the real you to the table.

Then the question is how to identify filters and replace them with the correct filters.

The first step in identifying a filter is to become self-conscious. What I mean by that is to beware of who you are! People that are self aware on average live more fulfilling lives because they know what they want, they are aware of their weakness, and are aware of what they are saying to themselves. Are you aware of what you are saying to yourself? You may realize that you are actually your own worst critic that the negativity that you are drawing to yourself begins inside of you. Do not be afraid to ask yourself the hard questions. I ask myself all the time when I discover things that are out of sync or I am not centered. I have to stop and have a conversation with myself and ask what is wrong with you girl? And when I cant figure it out, I fall on my knees and ask God to reveal myself to me.

Once you began to identify the negative filters in your life you will need to replace them. The greatest and most empowering filter is living life through what God has said about you! Filtering your behaviors, and actions through His word will free your from every chain of bondage and prison holding you back from living the life that was pre-ordained for you!

I could continue on with the example of ways we live our lives through filters, identifying filters, and how to replace them… I would love to continue this conversation with you. Let me help you identify and remove wrong filters, which only led to imprisonment. Let me teach you how to replace them with the correct filters that lift you up and empower you to live the life you always wanted to live!!! Join me Monday for live web cast entitled: Filters: They Can Make or Break You!

 

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Mar14

Excerpt From Forthcoming Book: The Evolution of God’s Lady

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Below is an excerpt from my  forthcoming book: The Evolution of God’s Lady.  It will be released Summer 2013.   Comments are GREATLY appreciated.

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“And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto man.” Genesis 2:22

     It was the first wedding, Adam the first groom, Eve the first bride and God the first father of the bride. Adam is sleeping as final preparations are being made. God has taken his rib to create him a helpmeet, a womb that would cause him to multiply, someone to help name the animals, someone of similar likeness that understands and knows what it is to be man. As Adam sleeps, the father is busy carving the cheekbones, plump breast and curvaceous hips, everything to his son liking. In my imagination He beautifies her hair with the flowers from the garden.  After she is finish, He awakens her. The bible says that God brought or presented Eve to Adam. Which lets me know that God walked his daughter down the aisle to meet the man that He has chosen to care for her.  But I cannot help but to wonder what happen before she was presented to Adam.

     Imagine with me: God exhales himself, all of what we would call feminine. He exhales beauty, nurture, intimacy, romance, emotions, daintiness and softness. He Exhales the female side of himself and breathes into existence a masterpiece called woman that would make Da Vinci’s art fail in comparison. Into this masterpiece of clay, dirt and art He breathes a living soul. Suddenly her eyelids flutter and they open to a scene so beautiful that it takes a moment to take it all in. I can imagine her wanting to know whom or what am I? And contrary to popular belief I believe that it was God’s presence and voice that Eve heard first.  Lets explore this idea. The bible said He brought her to him or presented her to him. Which means she had to be walked from one place to another. So Eve’s first love is not man but rather it is God. A bride relates to her husband based on her relationship with her dad. And so we cannot be effective woman if we never connect to our first love, God!

If you have enjoyed this excerpt and would like to be informed when book is available please leave email in comment below or email me directly at fanchionk@gmail.com thanks!